Previous: Command and Control

He turned to focus on her for a few moments during the drive, seeing the glassy stare, hearing the mumbled words. “Gabi.”

Back to the road. Almost there, only a couple of minutes. Just got to keep driving, hold her hand, keep checking on her. Why is she so far away, so small? So unresponsive? “Gabriella?” Almost…

He made a U-turn in the road, parking up outside her building, ready to get her inside. “Gabi?” There. Focus. Squeeze. She's not shaking quite as much. She's not quite back, but she's not as far gone as she was. She's… Damnit, I need to talk to Sweets abo-SHIT! No, focus on her, she needs me. She needs me to be strong in her moment of weakness.

Be her anchor. Give her something to come back to. Come home to me, Gabi. I know you can do it. You're a fighter. You already proved that when you protected someone less able than yourself. When you focused your rage. You can focus. On me. On Me. On Me.

His eyes watered, teared up. He'd been so worried about her and now? Now she seemed to be coming back into the world from… Wherever she'd been. He didn't know, he didn't care. Wrong. He did care, he needed to know, to help her. He took her hand in both of his, both his warm hands engulfing hers in his love. He had to help her.

He sounded so far away when he did say something different. Gabriella. Gabri. Gabi. Gab. No, that was wrong. Try the other way. Gabriella. Briella. Riella. No, that's… I don't know what that is, but it sounds wrong. Both of those sound wrong. Ella? Ellie? Maybe? Take. A. Chance. She's heard you call her Gabi, she's heard you call her Gabriella… Take a chance.

“Gabriella? You're home.” No, she might freak out. Keep her safe, give her something she knows. There will be a time for calling her something else. This isn't it.

Focus. Why are his eyes sparkling…Gabi, you made him cry.

Oh no…

Seeley…don't cry. I've been here before. Never been able to pull myself back but you're helping me do it! Maybe… Maybe in time, I can…not need Ativan…oh, holy father, that would be…

Seeley. Seeley. Don't cry. Please don't cry. Blink. His lips were moving but only two syllables got to her brain because she was so desperately clutching to anything out of the ordinary and unique.

Ella. You're home.

Oh, Seeley. You have quickly, so quickly, become my home.

Her hand twitched. Brought his with hers. Feel my heart? You're stealing it.

“Seeley…” She mumbled. “Holld mme?”

His hands didn't feel like his own when she brought them up to her chest and placed the back of his hand against her heart. Beat Thats… Beat She's… Beat She loves you Beat Seeley.

He pulled his hands away for long enough to undo both their belts, slip them away from their bodies. He twisted to his right as far as he could, shifted his body as close to her as he could, leaned over, wrapped his arms around her and held her as close as he could, despite how awkward it was inside the car.

He wanted to play the chivalrous knight, carry her up the stairs and into her own home, place her on the bed and hold her, make things right in the world for her. Clothes, no clothes, that wasn't important, she was. He was getting ahead of himself.

He still had to figure out how to get her out of the car safely.

Arms. He was holding her. Deep breath. In. Out. I'm okay. I can endure it long enough to go inside. Try humor, let him know you're okay.

Hey baby, wanna come inside?

Okay, even the virgin knew that one sounded lurid. She tried to think of something that wouldn't play off the physical tension between them, that had existed since he'd stopped by her apartment on his way back from his assignment.

Come in.

No. No no no.

“Seeley…do…youu. Want. To…come inside?”

Damnit!

He grinned, hidden in the embrace, then regained his composure. She was trying to be funny, but it came out cute. She was so naïve, so innocent, she couldn't know exactly how it sounded. Could she?

“Sure, let's get you home.”

He could have answered that with something funny, but he was too worried about her. It wasn't as if they hadn't shared sexual innuendos before, but this wasn't the time or the place.

He got out, walked calmly around to her side, and pulled the door open. He offered her his hand and prepared for her to fall out. That meant he had to catch her. He was prepared to catch her. Wherever, however, whenever she fell. He needed to let her know that.

Let's get you home. I don't want to sleep alone…Static. No. Hush. Hushhhh. Just stave it off until you're alone, brew some coffee…

Then the door opened and her hand landed in his. She tried to stand and sort of stumbled, her knees constantly threatening to buckle.

You're an embarrassment, Ella. You look like you're drunk. No…stay down. Stay down. Hold on to right now until he goes home. Then cry. You ruined everything.

He watched her stumble. He darted forward to catch her, ducking slightly underneath her form to place his arms under her arms. He let go of her hand in the process, but he was still touching her.

Come on, get her home, make sure she's safe. There's only a staircase, a locked door, a few tens of feet. Just do it.

With her looking so uneasy, he slipped under her and picked her up, legs, back, everything. It was the stereotypical bridal carry. It gave him a moment of pause, but it wasn't important enough to be a problem.

He closed the door and triggered the lock with the keys in his hand, started to carry her inside, pulling the door to the apartment open. It wasn't locked, even at this time of night. Along the corridor, up the stairs, and they were outside her apartment.

“Gabriella, do you have your keys?”

Gabi almost jumped when he caught her, but she was too weary, too weak to protest when he picked her up. Barely registering the trek from the car to the front door, she unhooked her keys from the belt loop of her jeans and handing them over to him.

Her head slumped against his chest and she listened to his heartbeat. A tear slipped down her cheek. No. Stop crying. Hold it in, hold it in.

Hold, hold, hold, hold it close to my heart beating…

She felt so lost. And she was oh so very quiet.

Seeley took the keys from her, finding the one that looked most appropriate, and let the pair of them into the apartment. He took a couple of moments for his eyes to adjust as he crossed the threshold, then lifted his elbow to smack the light switch. Better.

Now the room was lit, he pulled the key back out of the door, carefully, trying not to jostle her, then using his foot, closed it behind the pair. There, now he was inside, as she'd asked, but not the other version of the same request.

He moved further inside, carrying her to the couch and setting her down on it, sitting. He ended up kneeling in front of her. If anybody saw them at this moment, they might have thought he was the subservient one. He just wasn't afraid to look after her, whatever it meant.

I am so ashamed. I am so ashamed of all the trouble I have caused.
I am of the west, I am fair-skinned, I deserve a bullet in my chest.
There's people, people going out of their minds, right into each other's arms. But I only want to be with you…
Ohh. My. Heart. Is bursting again. Don't leave this mark…

Her lower lip was moving. Was she chewing on the inside of it? Her eyes were cast downwards, afraid to look him in the eyes. Their first official date and she'd ruined everything. One gun. They hadn't gotten past the first gun, let along to dinner. Long black strands of hair fell forward as her head bowed. Did her…shoulders just heave a little? She was shaking. She was keeping a good rein on it, but there were tiny little tells. A slight shift in the way the low light in the living room caught on her glossy ebony hair.

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go of what's in front of me here…

“Thaank youu. Forr…bringing me hoome..I…had..fun…_{until I ruined it…I'm…so sorry…}” She said, her words stretching here and there.

He pulled his handkerchief from his inside pocket, slipping under her hair and wiping her eyes. He avoided the cappuccino'd parts, keeping them well hidden inside while he made sure her face was as dry as he could.

“You're welcome.”

He looked up at her from his position in front of her, seeing her internal struggle as if it were writ large in lights above her head. He raised his hand to her chin, pushing his way past the hair falling down in front of her face, and took it with a firm, but loving grasp.

“We'll just have to do it again, won't we, Gabriella?”

Yes, that meant he would try again. He was going to fight for her.

She met his eyes. She watched as his lips moved, as he formed words that didn't deny her assertion. The inner points of her eyebrows pulled up, the corners of her lips pulled down, her lower lip trembling.

Breathe. You ruined everything. Her arms wrapped around herself in a hug as though she was holding herself together. The floor beneath her feet was..unstable. Much like a frame of mind they didn't know about yet, Gabi always fell and crashed after an attack. This one had been bad. Long. Persistent. You ruined everything. You don't deserve a second chance. “I….guess I'll see you tomorrow…maybe?” She whispered shakily. You ruined everything.

Seeley could see how much she was struggling. For everything. For words, for sanity, for peace. He wasn't going anywhere until he knew she was safe.

On my love you can rely

He released her chin, stood up from the kneeling position he was in, then sat on the couch next to her. His arm slipped around her shoulders, holding her close, trying to help her get over this. He didn't know exactly how to help her, but he wasn't going to leave her alone when she seemed to be this far gone, to be stuck in a world of self-doubt. He thought he might try something new.

We have something like miracle

He pulled her down so her back was on his lap, one hand on her stomach, his other stroking her hair softly. He hoped it would be comforting, she needed something stable. He would do it all night if he had to.

And in the end I know that we'll find, love so beautiful and divine

He watched her as she fell asleep on her lap. She was calm, finally, with his hand on her stomach and hair, stroking her softly. He continued while she slept, giving her time until he knew she wasn't going to wake easily when he disturbed her.

Roughly half an hour later he stopped, lifting her as he had before, and carried her to her bedroom. It took a few moments to find the right room, but he managed without waking her. He left the light off, using the glow from outside the room to settle her on the bed. He unzipped her hoodie, slipping it carefully down over her shoulders. Then her shoes, socks, and jeans. He wasn't sure where to put them, so he folded them all up carefully to one side in a pile.

With only the glow from outside the room, he barely noticed the tattoos in the dark. He knew she had some from prior conversations, but he couldn't tell enough right now. He filed it away to ask later. Then he tucked her in to sleep.

Back out in the lounge, he took off his jacket, prepared a space on the couch, turned off the light, and settled down to get some shuteye. He stared at the ceiling for a good while before dropping off.

He wasn't going anywhere until he saw her again.

Next: The Only Exception